Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe
by grey-eyed-goddess
Summary: The zombie incursion of Oz has begun and only five stand against it. Well, four stand and one kind of wheels around...
1. 4:20am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Summary: A happening like Oz has never seen…

Rating: T

Archive: Yes.

Disclaimer: I own the clever plot devices, Benzir and whoever else I bring in later.

Author's Note: I got this idea from The Pixess and Lost Ozian. I am no where near that funny, but I am really bored. The cure? Right about **CENSORED,** and it's always funny. I do enjoy crack fics (not crack; that is quite disgusting; I also have a fear of things flying at my nose). As a prerequisite to reading this I suggest that you go watch Reefer Madness the movie musical on youtube. Alan Cumming is a god among men (he has his own fragrance which will make an appearance sometime). Just go watch it and laugh. I love it. Some of it will be in this. You have been warned.

I really hope this is funny to other people and not just me. Ozian and Pixess, I bow to you.

**Chapter One: 4:20am**

The screams, shrill and painful, began at 20 past 4 in the morning. Windows open and facing the courtyard, the room devoured the sounds until they overwhelmed the sleeping prince. One deep breath before the next scream, and he shot out of bed.

"What in Oz is that?"

Fiyero Tiggular, a stunning spectacle in his loose pants and lack of shirt, threw his head out the window. With his roommate absent, but wandering the courtyard below in the fog, he felt no need to sport additional clothing. The fan girls agreed.

"Benzir, what are you doing?"

"I heard some screams and I thought I'd investigate."

Had movies and clever plot devices reached Oz yet, Benzir would have realized how idiotic that sounded. However, movies and clever plot devices had not reached Oz yet, and Benzir thought that it was perfectly safe…and by safe I mean normal; perfectly normal.

"That's sounds perfectly normal. I'll come help you."

Had movies and clever plot devices reached Oz yet, Fiyero still would not have realized how idiotic that sounds. Fiyero was in fact, quite dim at 20 past 4 in the morning without coffee.

"No, it's okay. I'll come up." The footsteps echoed in the fog until Fiyero heard a very unmanly scream rise up form the ground. Benzir ran to wall of the dormitory desperately scrambling up until the petite form of ShenShen threw him back to the ground. Three screams; then silence.

"Luriline, Benzir, she has a boy friend."

**…To Be Continued…**


	2. 4:23am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Summary: A happening like Oz has never seen…

Rating: T

Archive: Yes.

Disclaimer: I own the clever plot devices, Benzir and whoever else I bring in later.

Author's Note: I think I can now be called crazy. I would like it to be clear that I know I'm not funny; I just like posting these things. I know, I'm a bad person…Sorry. Taken out the lyrics to make it less Minerva's crazy mind at work.

**Chapter Two: 4:23am**

The next series of screams that reached the room were accompanied by the dull thud as a body hit the door to Fiyero's room.

"What is going on today?"

A very upset, very asleep, and very undressed Fiyero answered the door. The door, perhaps angry with it's beating, flew outwards hitting Benzir in the face.

"What the Ozma, Fiyero?"

"Hey! You were the one making out with ShenShen. Giorge is going to kill you when he finds out…"

"I wasn't! She just attacked me! Look!"

Forcing his way into his own room, Benzir thrust his arms out for Fiyero's eyes. Trailing around his left arm the dull red tracks told a story of either lust or cannibalistic hunger. The teeth marks, delicate, but showing signs of drastic dental demolition, tore through the skin of Benzir's arm until the bone shown through the flesh. Fiyero swallowed.

"I knew Giorge liked the freaky ones, but that's just gross." Benzir cocked his head to one side.

"I feel really funny now." Sitting down, his heart pumped again causing the cuts on his arm to once again flow with red.

Had movies and clever plot devices reached Oz Fiyero would've already run down the hall screaming in search of a blunt object.

They had not, and Fiyero instead patted Benzir's arm.

"It's like she was possessed. Her face was all grey and twisted. I think she had a bite mark on her neck."

"Nice, Giorge."

"Fiyero, it was deep, and she just stumbled through the fog until she found me…Like she was hunting me down." Their eyes met. "Like she was possessed."

"Giorge does like those little pills…"

"I don't know Fiyero. And I'm feeling really weird now; like she passed it on to me."

"You can pass that on?" Idiocy taken as sarcasm, Benzir went on with the conversation.

"I know. So what was it?"

"No idea. Let me go get you some towels." Turning his back on his bitten boy buddy Benzir, Fiyero removed himself to the attached bathroom.

_

* * *

...Meanwhile, across the courtyard…_

* * *

"ELPHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" 

Galinda's ears used to their owners squeals, did not shrink back at the sharpness of her screech, but Elphaba's ears died a little on the inside.

"What is it Galinda, dear?"

"ELPHIE! I can't-I can't-OH GOD! ELPHIE MAKE IT STOP!"

Elphaba suddenly realized that this wasn't like every other early morning horror causing by not finding the pink snow non-creasing pigmented eye shadow in its place, but may perhaps have been a real problem.

"Galinda? What is it? What's wrong?"

"I can't find the pink snow non-creasing pigmented eye shadow! It's not in its place."

"For once can't you scream when it's a real emergency?" Galinda eyed her roommate as she slid out the door.

"I'll just go ask someone who cares then. Oh ShenShen!"

Her singsong call ended as the door shut, and Elphaba Thropp threw the blanket back over her head.

"Who wakes of up 4am to do makeup…"

"ELPHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"Not again…Galinda, what is it?" The door flew open, slammed, and Galinda starred ahead with wide eyes. "Galinda, what? Did she try to give you the purple again?"

"…I think…Milla…ShenShen was…She was…"

"Galinda, what was ShenShen doing?" For the first time Elphaba was suddenly very inclined to believe that something of importance had happened. Not that makeup wasn't important, but it didn't really call for such shrill shrieks.

"ShenShen was…Oh Elphie! I think Milla…She had Milla's arm!"

"...Just her arm?"

"Mmmhhhmmm...OH GODS!"

Galinda howled again, but this time Elphaba grabbed her friend and didn't let go.

She was still holding on when she locked the door.

**-TBC-**


	3. 4:34am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Summary: A happening like Oz has never seen…

Rating: T

Archive: Yes.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: Time for the zombie incursion…It's only fair that you know that this is going to be crack fic and Minerva typing while she decides on what nail color she wants. Sorry about the excessive Caps Lock, but I think it's called for. I know it's not good. This is the swept aside Banging failure.

This may be the crackiest fic I've ever written.

**Chapter Three: 4:34am**

"Did you hear that noise?"

"What noise?"

"That 'thump'. Boq, go check and see what it was."

"I still don't know what noise…Wait, why are you in my room?"

"I heard a noise and got scared."

"You got scared all the way across the campus?"

"I move quickly on wheels."

"You've been here all night, haven't you?"

"You're cute when you sleep." Something outside the door thumped, squealed and cursed. "But I really did hear something, and I'm scared."

"Nessa, it sounds like someone just got in after a night of drinking."

"Yes, but I'm scared. You're supposed to comfort me. Comfort me, Boq."

"Sometimes you scare me. Now, turn around while I put on a shirt."

"I can't turn the chair, but I can close my…You're not wearing a shirt?"

"No, now close your eyes, Nessa." Boq watched her covered her face with her hands and put her face in her lap. The edges of her fingers twitched. He sighed. "You can look now."

"All righ-Aaaaaaahhhhhh…"

"You were peaking through your fingers, right?" Boq held his shirt in front of him. "If you're not going to heed my words why bother to pretend?" Nessa swallowed. She smiled and blinked to clear her head.

"I wasn't, but, Boq, I don't know why you're jealous of Fiyero."

"Oh gods." He had his shirt on in half of a second. "I'll just go check now then."

"Thank you Boq." Nessa turned her head up, "Thank you Luriline."

Boq twisted the door knob, but held the door closed.

"Nessa, do you hear those screams?"

"And you wondered why I ran-wheeled-to you."

"What if it's something bad?"

"Well, when I passed ShenShen on her way to the showers she did look rather pale."

Something knocked against the door, but this time it was joined with several curses and the voice of a very angry prince.

"Boq, open this door!"

"Fiyero, what are you doing?"

"Benzir just went crazy! He attacked me, and now he's running down the hallways with everyone else. The entire place has gone mad!"

"What do you mean, mad?"

"Well, I did see ShenShen and she looked a little pale." Nessa scoffed.

"I think it's just what she really looks like without all that makeup."

"Nessa, you said the same thing earlier."

"Oh, Fiyero, go on."

"Well, it looked as though…ShenShen, well, she…" As much as Nessa loved Fiyero, she really only put up with him because of the pants, but with no tight pants she had no patience for him.

"Spit it out, Fiyero."

"She was holding an arm." Boq blanched.

"Just an arm?"

"Yeah, and I think…I think it was Milla's because it had that silly bracelet still on it."

Nessa and Boq starred at the Prince for several seconds before taking action.

"OH MY SWEET OZ! LOCK THE BLASTED DOOR YOU NITWIT!!!"

Three minutes later with the door locked, covered by a dresser, and the lamp balanced precariously on top just for good measure, Fiyero realized what was going on at Shiz.

"HOLY SHIT! THEY'RE ZOMBIES!"

* * *

…_Meanwhile somewhere outside the door and a few steps to the left…

* * *

_

"Elphie, how is Boq going to protect us?"

"If Fiyero not in his room then he must be with Boq, and if not then he's one of…those things."

"So, you're leaving your baby sister to the mercy of our hungry peers?"

"No, I'm pretty confident that she'll be with Boq."

"Oh." Elphaba knocked twice.

"Boq, are you in there? It's Elphaba. Galinda and I need in, and if you could hurry that would be wonderful. I think Avaric spotted us."

Boq glanced at Nessa.

"It could be a trick."

"She's green. I doubt even the dead will eat her."

"Good point." Boq shoved the dresser several times before succeeding. "Hey guys. Miss Galinda."

"Ye gods save me, "Nessa groaned as Boq grinned at Galinda. "Middle of a zombie incursion and you're still a love sick puppy."

"So, we're sure it's zombies? Not just some weird illness."

"You know, my dear sister, you may be the smartest, but you're not going to honestly tell me that Miss ShenShen devouring Miss Milla is the side effect of some illness, are you?"

"It's just hard to believe, that's all."

"Well, you can go comfort Fiyero. He's still babbling on about 'incursions' and 'waiting until decent hours to attack'. I think he's lost what little marbles he had."

"That's quite rude, Nessa."

"Miss Galinda, biting sarcasm runs in our family."

"Nessa, she is right."

"Oh, Biq, I'm sorry. Will you comfort me now?"

"You don't have to be mean…"

"Sorry, I'm a little upset about the small matter of the ZOMBIE INCURSION!" Boq shoved the dresser back in front of the door. Galinda sighed.

"I'll go get Fiyero then. Elphie, will you stay here and do something."

"Of course, Galinda."

"Right."

Boq eyed Nessa. Elphaba followed his line of sight, and sighed.

"I'll go help Galinda then." Boq swallowed.

"Nessa, I won't."

"A hug?"

"You'll cheat."

"How can you cheat at a hug?"

"You'll find a way."

"Hhhhhhh…Boq, please." Boq groaned.

"Why do I do these things?"

"Because you secretly love me more that Miss Galinda."

"Keep telling yourself that, Nessa."

"What?"

"Nothing. Come here."

**-TBC-**


	4. 4:37am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Summary: A happening like Oz has never seen…

Rating: T

Archive: Yes.

Disclaimer: I own the clever plot devices, Benzir and whoever else I bring in later.

Author's Note: This is the crackiest fic I've ever written. So, apparently my humor is directly connected to the amount of Bessa in something. Sweet…That just means a lot of Bessa (or not funny which isn't good). Kiamo Ken is obviously not mine.

**Chapter Four: 4:37am**

"Fiyero, dear, it's all right. Look, we're all here, and they can't get in."

"…Food…"

"Yes, well, I know it's early and you haven't had breakfast, but we may have bigger things on our hands."

"…Eating…"

"I'd rather not think about that right now, Fiyero."

"…We…Then…Kitchens…"

"Galinda, I think your Kiamo Ko Ken may have short circuited."

"My Comical what?"

"Never mind. The point is that Fiyero here has finally lost it under the strain of this attack."

"I have not."

"What?"

"See! There's my Fiyero!" Elphaba gagged into her hand.

"We're going to need some food, and I can bet Boq doesn't keep food here in case he gets the late night munchies."

"We could revert to cannibalism."

"Eeewww…Elphie, I don't want to eat cans."

* * *

"Nessa, this is exactly why I didn't want to do this."

"Because you didn't want to bend down? That's rather insulting, Boq."

"Yes, Nessa, that's why. You hit it spot on, you did."

"Yes, well, You could have done some sort of kneeling action."

"I'm not kneeling just to hug you!"

"Well, I don't have experience in that sort of thing."

"Nessa, let go."

"….Why?"

"Nessa, this is why we can't have nice things."

"Oh. That's good and well as long as I have you."

"You don't count me as a nice thing?"

"Of course, you may have a nice 'thing' but that's really not all I take into account."

"THAT is not what I meant."

"Really? You always seem so insecure after gym. I can hear the other students joking about Munchkins and the like so I assume-"

"Nessa now is not the time." Nessa sighed.

"Of course not."

"Anyways, you don't count me as a nice…"

"What is it Boq?" Nessa jerked her hands up. "Why did you stop?"

"I can't believe this. You distracted me on purpose." Her eyes darted to the side.

"Distracted? From what?"

"Let me go!"

-TBC-

It's worse, but this is my other outlet while school starts. Now I just write crack fics…Great…


	5. 4:45am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Rating: M

Summary: BANG!

Archive: Bow chika wah wah…

Author's Note: I thought I'd post before I went to wash my car. After that there might be more.

**Chapter Five: 4:45am**

Fiyero and Elphaba paused.

"Galinda, you have to be kidding."

"She's not. You don't live with her."

"Yet." Fiyero turned towards her.

"What was that, Galinda?"

"Nothing."

"As much as I hate to say this, Fiyero is right. We're going to need to eat soon."

"But cans Elphie!?! What about my complexion? If chocolate kills it, then I can't begin to imagine what plastic will do to it."

"Galinda! We are not eating cans! Eating plastic…Galinda, cans aren't made of plastic."

...No one spoke.

"Oh."

"Look girls, we need some food and water. I'll go ask Boq."

"Maybe he isn't really stupid."

* * *

"Really, Boq, this is ridiculous. You're the one who won't let go of me."

"Trust me, that's not the problem." Nessa sighed.

"Boq, watch." Her arms waved just in the corner of his vision.

"All right, but…" His arms waved just in the corner of her vision.

"Then what's the problem."

"I can't lean up."

"Oh goody!"

"I'm hoping that was a sample of the sarcasm that runs in your family."

"I mean, 'Damn!'"

"You are a master of subtlety."

"I pride myself in it."

"I see."

"So, where are we stuck?"

"I think my belt buckle is stuck on your blouse…"

"Ahhh…What are you doing?"

"As nifty as that wheelchair is, I can't see to undo us so I'm just going to sit you on the table."

"Yes, let's just set the crippled somewhere that makes it harder for her to run away from the zombies. Brilliant, this one."

"If we need bait just know that I'm voting you first."

"If we need food just know that I'm voting you first."

"Don't you think that's a little odd?"

"I like to look at it as a matter of survival with certain perks."

"**You're **a little odd."

"Mmm." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Any progress?"

"Well, up until a moment ago, but suddenly this big brunette head appeared and blocked my view."

"Sorry." Nessa turned way, but continued to mutter, "That I'm not blonde."

"What?"

"You smell nice."

"Be quie-Oh. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"…You smell nice too."

"I try." Boq twirled the caught string around his finger. Twisting and pulling, Boq undid the few strings that held them together. She shifted, and Nessa's nose nuzzled against his neck.

"Any luck?" Boq shook his head.

"You might have to take off your blouse so that I can untangle it. We might just have to cut it." She snorted into his shoulder.

"As much as I appreciate the sudden interest, I heard you pull the string off."

"Oh."

"A kiss will suffice, and I won't cheat."

"Cheating is acceptable." Nessa eyed him.

"Are you sure?" He nodded. "Are you Boq?" He nodded again. "Are you su-" He kissed her.

"OH SWEET OZMA! BOQ IS EATING NESSA! HE'S ONE OF THEM!"

**-TBC-**


	6. 4:48am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Rating: M

Summary: BANG!

Archive: Bow chika wah wah…

Author's Note: Got back from washing my car and thought about doing my psychology homework. Wrote this instead. Two in the morning and I am dying here.

**Chapter Five: 4:48am**

The room went still until Fiyero threw Boq across the bed and into the wall. Nessa, quite disturbed, stared straight ahead. Boq, quite bruised, groaned.

"Nessa! Are you all right? Did he bite you? Oh gods, Elphaba, I'm sorry. We have to do it." Fiyero grabbed the lamp.

"PUT THE LAMP DOWN MISTER TIGHT PANTS OR SO HELP ME LURILINE I WILL MAKE SURE THAT THOSE PANTS CAN GET TIGHTER!"

Galinda cocked her head to one side as Boq struggled to get up.

"You're going to dry his pants?"

"Fiyero, Boq isn't a zombie! We were…kissing."

"Kissing?" Fiyero and Elphaba stopped.

"Aw! That's so cute! I knew it!"

"Kissing? Oh…My bad, Boq." Fiyero held out his hand. Boq glared at him.

"I hate you."

"You kissed my sister?" Boq swallowed.

"Faba, calm down. I'm old enough-"

"You're 15! He's 18!"

"Faba!" Boq was suddenly less angry and more scared. Elphaba Thropp was scary…And green.

"Elphaba, I promise I won't do it again."

"You better not."

"Faba!" Nessa eyed Boq with a look that clearly said, 'You better do it again.'

The room stilled.

"Well then, if you're all quite done with that, Fiyero had an idea. About cans."

"Galinda, it wasn't…Never mind."

"Guys, we're going to need food."

"You can't be suggesting…"

"We can't stay here."

"Why are we listening to Mister Dancing Through Life?"

"Nessa, he's right. We can't survive without food." Boq crawled over the edge of the bed.

"You're going to suggest we make a run for the kitchens and barricade ourselves in."

"Yes. The astronomy tower has one staircase that connects to the kitchens. We can live there and only venture down when we need to. If worse comes to worse we can take to the roofs."

They all silently agreed, but Nessa snorted.

"I bet I'll take to the roofs very well. Come on, I'll go first and just run them over."

**-TBC-**


	7. 4:57am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Rating: M

Summary: BANG!

Archive: Bow chika wah wah…

Author's Note: Everyone should vote on my poll! It's quick and easy (like Galinda…Okay, that was bad). I'm posting this thrown together stuff so that it doesn't leave my head while I'm at Thespians. Not as funny, but it'll lead to the funny.

**Chapter Five: 4:57am**

"Miss Nessa, maybe you should allow us to go first."

"Master Fiyero, I can assure you that should worse come to worse that worse shall not come to me."

"How can you-What?"

"You needn't outrun the pursuer; just your slowest friend. I, Fiyero, have momentum on my side." Boq snorted and ruffled her hair. Her eyes darted up towards him.

"Hate to break it to you, Nessa, but we're going to reach stairs around this corner."

"And now Master Fiyero, you need to only outrun me."

"But we're not running." Elphaba patted Galinda's hand.

"Don't worry about it dear."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" A clump, a squeak, and Nessa rolled her eyes.

"The chair tends to squeak."

"Does it sound like, "Uuuuaaarrrggg?" They all stopped.

"No."

The procession of friends stopped, and, beginning with chair-bound Nessa, showed off their timing in a wonderful display of turns. Look back, all starred past Galinda's shoulders wide eyed.

"I don't wanna look."

"Galinda, take my hand."

"Don't make me look."

"Doll, you don't have to look. Just take my hand." Fiyero reached out further without moving his eyes off of the thing behind her.

"Yero, please don't make me look."

"Will someone just grab her and run!?!" Boq nodded and followed Nessa's lead. Elphaba gripped Galinda as Fiyero tugged her forward, and the poor body of Non-Life Sciences teacher stumbled on after them.

"Left! Go left!" Nessa's chair tipped as she turned the corner, and Boq skidded to a halt when he heard her scream.

"Back! Go back!" Her chair tipped completely as the hands of the awaiting crowd pulled her closer. "Oh gods!"

"Nessa!"

Nessa had reached the stairs…And the pale and ghastly figures slowly stumbling up them. On the edge of the top stairs, her chair began to tip forward.

-TBC-


	8. 4:58am

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Rating: T

Summary: ZOMBIES

Archive: Yep

Author's Note: I'm incredibly sick right now, and I'm afraid I won't write for a while so I'm posting this slightly depressing filler chapter before that happens. Also, everyone should vote in my poll.

Just know I blame Thespians for making me sick. Performing and auditions for three days with other sick people… Great idea.

**Chapter Eight: 4:58am**

Boq, having chosen the most opportune moment to discover and use his cat-like reflexes, managed to grab Nessa's hand as her wheelchair tumbled down the stairs into the waiting army of goons. Unfortunately, Boq's reflexes ended there, and Nessarose ended up falling against him and into the wall. She sighed.

'_This is nice…' _

"Nessa, could you move a bit so we can run?"

'…_Why can't he just always hold me like this… ?'_

"Nessa, the zombies are coming."

'…_Oh, you smell nice…'_

"NESSA! ZOMBIE INCURSION! NO TIME FOR LOVE!"

"Oh, right. Sorry."

Boq groaned and carried her around the corner.

"Oh dear…"

* * *

"NESSA!"

"No, Elphaba, we have to leave her. Go! They're right behind us."

"She's my sister! And Boq!"

"Go!"

Elphaba spun once as she heard her sister scream around the corner. A single tear traced a red welt down her cheek as she ran the other way.

-TBC-


	9. 5:00am

"Oh dear…"

Title: Perfectly Normal, But Not Quite Safe

Rating: T

Summary: ZOMBIES

Archive: Yep

**Chapter Nine: 5:00am**

"Oh dear…"

"Boq that is the understatement of the year. Run!" Nessarose buried her face in his shoulder. "At least we'll die together."

"What in Luriline." A breath. "Are you talking about?" A breath. "I don't wanna die!"

"Not even with me?"

"With no one!"

"Ooohhh…" Her fingers brushed his collarbone.

"Not a good time for distractions, Nessa."

"I think I may have been a tad bit over exaggerating." She glanced over his shoulder, and nuzzled against his neck. "They're very slow."

"What?" His breathing was rushed and short now; Nessa was hoping it wasn't from the running.

"You can stop running. They fell behind some three steps into the chase."

They came to a very sudden stop, and in this case 'very sudden' refers to the fact that Boq blinked and ran into a door leaving Nessa pinned rather unceremoniously between his chest and the plaster. She groaned.

"-Hit my nose."

"Sorry Nessa. I didn't turn when I looked back at the things."

"Mmm…" She patted the tip of her nose a few times-testing it. "Where are they?"

"Somewhere. They're really slow." He twisted to glance back. "Oh yeah, they're far back there." Boq smiled. "How about, since we're cut off from the others we go to the storage room. This is the culinary section. They're bound to have supplies and things. We can board ourselves up and live there until…Well, until something comes or we have to leave."

Nessa glanced up at him.

"You're willing to pass away the days-possible weeks-locked in an area of a building with me, Nessarose Thropp? You're suggesting it, and you're all right with this?" She glanced back at the lumbering mob of undead stumbling towards them. "Did they bite you? You are feverish…"

Boq brushed her hand from his forehead. "I'm fine. It's just the most logical solution, and you're not that bad."

Nessa smiled.

"I like this plan."

* * *

Elphaba slid to a halt in front of the double doors that led to the kitchens. She glanced back at her companions.

"She's my sister."

"She'll be fine, Elphie. If anyone can fight off zombies it's a Thropp."

Fiyero snorted.

"She'll just have to fall in love with them to scare them off."

"You're not helping here."

"Are you ready, Elphaba? Once we go in we're barricaded and the only way out will be by roof."

"I suppose. But what if they're alive?"

Glinda patted her hand.

"Then I'm sure they're safe. If they're still alive then they must be safe."

Elphaba sighed.

"Let's start."

* * *

"This is kind of fun." Boq glanced towards the chair bound girl as she stared at him boarding up the door with wood from the tables.

"Boq, you call flesh eating zombies fun?"

"Well, the idea is survival of the fittest. So far, we're the fittest. This incursion is really just weeding out the weak."

"The definition of irony would be if one of them ate you right now."

He swallowed.

"I don't like irony much any more."

"Mmm…" She glanced towards their third story window. "I wish I had my chair." Boq smiled.

"I'll build you one once we settle in here." He glanced around. "For now, how about I sit you on the counter and you organize the food while I do this."

"Fair enough. Can I cook?"

"Nothing with meat for now. Let's not attract them."

"Good idea. I'll cook something green."

**-TBC-**


	10. 5:10am

Title: Perfectly Normal, but not Quite Safe  
Rating: K+  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything here.  
Author's Note: I'm sorry. That's really all I can say.

**5:10am**

"Nessa, when you said 'something green' I thought you were going to cook something green, and not something slightly off white with no traces of green whatsoever."

"I got distracted once I found the cupboard filled with batters and whatnot." Nessarose grinned into her hand as she tested out a bit of batter with a finger. "We could have pancakes for the next five years if we were so inclined."

"I don't think I'll be so inclined after the first five days."

"Oh, Boq, where's your sense of adventure? Think of all the different combinations we could make: nut, blueberry, banana, strawberry, chocolate, cinnamon, peppermint, Boq, raspberry, blackberry, apple, raisin…" Boq zoned out as Nessa kept talking, and his mind wandered to the growing hoard outside the doors that were still making some feeble attempt at figuring out which way the two humans had run.

'_Sense of adventure? Are supposedly dead classmates are chasing us through the halls brandishing arms and legs and Luriline knows what else, and she thinks I'm not adventurous enough with pancakes. Wait a minute…'_

"Nessa, what was that last one you said?"

"Raisin?" She raised one eyebrow at him while her hands continued to stir clumps of flour into a smooth mixture of sugar and milk.

"No, before that one."

"Raspberry?"

"No, keep going back."

"Peppermint? Cinnamon? Chocolate?" He shook his head. If you're not even sure what you're looking for than how can I help you?"

"I just thought you said something else. That's all."

"Sometimes, my dear Master Boq, you worry me."

"Any non-sweet ingredients we could add in case you decide to make them for dinner?"

"I suppose we could always use cans."

"What?" Nessa smirked at the look on his face.

"Apparently, your dear Galinda believes that people eat cans. Cannibalism it's called."

"Well, that's just silly of you Nessa. You should know that cannibalism means eating people. Clearly Miss Galinda was referring to the zombie incursion." Nessa's eyes narrowed and she begin to stir the batter with much more force. She forced a few spoonfuls of cinnamon into the mixture. "Nessa, I hate cinnamon."

"I know." She sat the t jar atop the counter and continued to stir. "Boq, you're an idiot."

-TBC-

Look! I updated! It's short. I'm sorry. I'm kind of epic failing at fiction writing write now.


	11. 5:20am

Author's Note: This is really just a filler chapter to move the thing along. I'm not quite sure how to end the story so suggestions are welcome. This chapter isn't as humorous or OMGLOL-able. It's just a chapter with some dialogue setting up some stuff.

**5:20am**

"Crope and Tibbett are sucking face." Elphaba and Galinda glanced up from their respective tasks, Elphaba from an inventory of food and drinks and Galinda from her nails.

"Fiyero, if what was supposed to be some kind of shocking revelation you've failed in the shocking and in the revelation." Elphaba went back to her inventory as Fiyero remained silent, and, as he peered out through a crack in the boarded up window near the back, Fiyero's mouth opened.

"No, I mean they are sucking face. Crope is eating Tibbett's face." Galinda's head shot up, and she stared at Fiyero wide eyed.

"I'm not listening to you any more, not listening, not listening, not listening…"

Elphaba snorted as she ticked off another thing of pancakes. "I still don't see how this is any different from them normally."

---

"These look great Nessa." Boq grimaced at the cinnamon filled pancakes in front of him and swallowed as Nessa stared at him.

"I'm glad you think so. I tried really hard to make them how you like them." Boq didn't ask how she would know how he liked them. "It was really just a simple recipe of flour, sugar, milk, eggs, cyanide, butter, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt. Just like any other pancake really." He stared at her and then down at the pancakes.

"What did you say was in these?"

"Cinnamon; I know you don't like it but you could put on a brave front. We'll be living on nothing come two years from now so try to force yourself to enjoy it. There's quite a lot back there."

She smiled and picked up his fork.

"Great, Nessa…" Boq groaned.

Nessarose leaned across the counter and stabbed a bit of his breakfast with her fork. "You're welcome." Chewing on the piece of pancake, her smile widened.

Boq shook his head and opened his mouth to attempt to stomach the cinnamon saturated pancake, but the sudden sound of wood cracking shook him from his horror. Twisting to the door, his eyes widened as the door bent in and bent out as though someone were throwing their body against the door. Nessa grabbed his shoulders.

"Boq, I'm scared."

"Me too."

"I don't want to die…"

"Me neither."

"…Without having loved you."

Boq turned his head slowly and looked at Nessa. "No."

"No?" She raised her eyebrows and rubbed his shoulder.

"No." Boq picked her hand off of his shoulder and dropped it on the counter.

"Too soon?" She inched her hand towards the edge of the counter where he was leaning.

"Too…Too much you." He eyed her hand.

"That makes me feel like the loveliest girl in all of Oz." Nessa ran her hand up his chest.

"Nessa, all the other girls are zombies." He glanced down at her hand.

"You don't feel anything?" She unbuttoned his top button. "Not a thing? Not a twitch? Not a tingle?"

"Lots of tingles, but there not the kind you're talking about." Nessa let her hand slide around to the back of his neck as he sighed.

"What if we're locked in here forever?" Playing with his hair, she blinked twice and smiled.

"I'm not repopulating the earth with you."

Nessa let her hand fall onto her lap. "What was that? You want cinnamon pancakes for lunch? But, Boq, you just had those for breakfast."

"Nessa, what are you doing?"

"I didn't know you loved cinnamon that much, but anything for you, love."

"Nessa, I'm not talking to you about cinnamon."

"Boq, please, you don't have to insist so forcefully. I'll make them again."

"There's a zombie surge just outside the thin door we're hiding behind, and you're mocking me for not wanting to sleep with you?"

"Boq, that's enough! I don't need to know everything you like cinnamon on."

"Zombies outside, life or death situation—any of this ringing a bell?"

"I didn't even know you could put cinnamon there!"

"You can't be serious."

"But how do you…Ooohhh…Boq; I never pegged you as one of those!"

"Nessa, you're insane."

"Just right there in the little nook of the collar bone you say? Or did you mean lower?"

"You're not even making any sense now."

"Lower? Really?"

"What's lower?"

"No, that's almost scandalous!"

"What are you putting lower?"

"I can't believe you'd even suggest that, and in such an outfit!"

"What outfit?"

"What outfit are you talking about Boq?"

"What outfit?"

"I don't know, you're the one who was talking about it."

"What?"

"What?" Nessarose smiled.

"Nessa, you were talking about lower places and outfits."

"Boq, you must be hearing things." She leaned to the right to peer around him at the door. "Now, what, pray tell, is knocking at our door?"

-TBC-


	12. 5:25am

Author's Note: Bleh, I lost my writing ability, but I feel back for never finishing this. So, finish this I shall! Not now, but in the somewhat near future. I think I'll focus on finishing Heartless, and then try to write some happy-go-lucky Bessa.

**5:27am**

"Nessa, you should answer that. I'll clean the plates." Boq slid behind her, and made his way towards the sink.

"Really?" Nessa rolled backwards onto his foot.

"Ow." Nessa rolled her eyes up towards Boq, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Nessa, get the door."

"Boq, are you seriously attempting to get your crippled girlfriend to answer a door, behind which could be a mindless, brain craving zombie that wants to do unspeakable things to her?"

"Well, when you put it that way…yes I am." Boq tugged his foot out from under the wheel of Nessa's chair and darted towards the pantry.

"Oh, for the love of—give me a knife at least!" A small butter knife slid across the floor towards her from the pantry. "You singlehandedly win the 'Worst Boyfriend' award." Boq stuck his hand out the door with a thumb up.

Nessa sighed as she wheeled towards the door. Slipped the lock up, she peered through a crack in the door and found herself staring into the ample bosom of Madam Morrible.

"Ms. Thropp, thank Oz. I've been looking for you all morning."

"No thank you." Nessa shut the door.

"Nessa, who was it?"

"Morrible."

"Was she all right?"

Nessa wheeled her way back over to Boq and fiddled with the butter knife in her lap before saying, "I'd say she was fairly intact and mindful."

"Did you lock the door?"

"Of course."

"Good."

And, some odd number of rooms to the left, Elphaba set down a box of pre-prepared pancake mix and sighed. "You would think that in a university there would be more food stuffs than pancakes. Some vegetables or even just a tomato would be a relief."

"Aren't those the same thing?" Fiyero didn't look up at Galinda's question, but eyed the window.

"No, they're not."

"Aren't tomatoes considered berries?" Elphaba eyed Fiyero.

"How would you know that, Prince?"

"I don't know, but, watching them now, I think Crope and Tibbett are just fine and unzombiefied."


End file.
